About-cancer/advanced-cancer/caregivers/self-care/zh

照顾好自己

你的感受

否认

您可能难以接受您的朋友或家人无法康复。 您可能会认为，如果她继续接受治疗，可能最终会起作用，或者会发现新的发现。 充满希望并没有错。 但是，试听您所爱的人和医生，以听听他们在说什么。 否认有关癌症的事实可能会使患者感到您并不真正了解正在发生的事情。 同样，可以按自己的步调处理事情。 但是请注意，这可能会对他人产生影响。

悲痛

悲伤是放手，接受和学习茫然生活的过程。 悲伤过程的一部分是感到极度的悲伤。 您可能会对自己遭受的损失和曾经的生活感到难过。

您可能甚至在亲人死亡之前就开始感到失去亲人。 这就是预期的悲伤。 对正在经历的变化和将要遭受的损失感到悲伤是正常的。 引起悲伤的常见原因包括：

• 您可能期望与朋友或家人的生活与您现在所面临的生活有所不同。

• 您将来可能会对未知的事物感到难过。

• 您可能会为您所爱的人的未来损失以及所涉及的所有变化感到悲伤。

一旦您所爱的人去世，悲伤将变得更加强烈。 每个人在悲伤的方式和对悲伤的追求上都是不同的。 让自己以自己的方式和时间悲伤。 例如：

• Some people may not show as much emotion as others when they grieve.

• Others try to stay busy. They show their feelings by doing things, rather than talking about them.

• Some people show their anger more often.

Understand that these feelings of grief are normal. And grief can come up at times when you're not expecting it. Although it can come and go in intensity, grief can last for many months. If you feel the need, seek help from hospice staff, a mental health expert, or a support group as you go through the grieving process.

For other feelings caregivers may have during cancer care, see Coping with Your Feelings.

It’s emotionally exhausting and I never know what to expect. One minute, things are looking up, and a couple of hours later, something happens and I don’t have any answers.

-Fred

Ask for Help from Others

You may be faced with new challenges and concerns now that your loved one has advanced cancer. If the illness has been going on for a long time, these challenges may wear you down even more. Many caregivers say that, looking back, they took on too much. They wish they had asked for help sooner in sharing tasks or seeking support. Many people probably want to help but don't know what you need or whether you want help. And as the cancer progresses, you may see changes in the support you get from others. For example:

• People who have helped before may not help now.

• Others who have helped before may want to help in new ways.

• People who haven't helped before may start helping.

• Agencies that couldn't help before may offer services now.

Accepting help from others isn't always easy. When tough things happen, some people think they can handle it on their own. But things can get harder as your loved one’s cancer progresses. As a result, many caregivers have said they feel stretched to the point that they can't do it anymore. As simple as it sounds, it's good to remind others that you still need help.

Remember that getting help for yourself can also help your loved one as well as other friends and family.

Keeping a Balance with Visitors

You may have many more people calling you or coming by to visit than ever before. Many caregivers say they feel very blessed when people show they care. But even though you probably are very thankful for their love and support, there may be times when you need some space.

Some days I go into my bedroom closet and take a nap. It may sound crazy, but it’s the only way I feel like I’m really escaping.

-Gail

Some things you can do if you need time to yourself or just with your family are:

• Let your voice mail pick up the messages.

• Answer the phone in shifts. Take turns with family members or friends to be in charge of calls for a few hours.

• Put a sign on the door of your home or hospital room thanking people for coming by and letting them know your loved one is resting. Leave room for a note if they want to write one.

• Have a friend in your home handle visitors while you can be in another part of your home taking care of your own needs.

• Set up a website to keep people up to date and let them leave messages. Examples can be found at Caring BridgeExit Disclaimer or Lotsa Helping HandsExit Disclaimer.

• Go to a place where you can’t be reached for a while.